By addressing the situation from a calmer mindset, you can figure out what’s really upsetting you and determine the most respectful way to address it. [3] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.

Processing your emotions first helps you come to the conversation with a clear head. That way, you can be specific about what’s upsetting you. You may also realize that your anger is masking another underlying emotion, like hurt or rejection. If that’s the case, share those feelings with your partner. [7] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source [8] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 11 February 2022. Sometimes, outside factors can impact how angry you feel, too—like being hungry, tired, or in pain. [9] X Expert Source William Gardner, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.

Start the conversation with something like, “I wanted to let you know that I was pretty hurt by what you said the other day. " Follow with specifics, like how their words made you feel. Maybe your partner was teasing you but what they said really stung. Try, “I know you were kidding, but what you said made me feel pretty disrespected. " The key is to speak assertively without speaking angrily. [12] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 11 February 2022. Try addressing the problem as soon as it comes up. That might help it from turning into full-blown anger. [13] X Expert Source William Gardner, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.

As tempting as it may be to yell or demean your partner, try to remain cool, calm, and collected. It’ll get your point across more effectively and will minimize the damage the conflict could cause to your relationship.

Try to lead into the conversation with a sense of vulnerability—your partner might be more willing to be vulnerable because they know it’s safe to do so. [18] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.

Talking to your partner about their perspective helps you get closer to a mutual understanding. Maybe your anger is the result of a misunderstanding, or perhaps your partner made a mistake that they would really like to rectify. [21] X Research source

This doesn’t mean you should ignore how you feel; your anger is still valid.

Say something like, “I need some space right now to cool off. Can we take a few minutes and come back to this?”

Anger issues can be a warning sign of mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or chronic stress. Anger management classes can be a helpful too.